December 2009
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Paternal Wisdom
A coworker’s father sat at my boss’s desk. She’d head out around 4 to head upstate for New Year’s Eve. I’d only spoken to the man a few times, but he seemed cool enough. I asked him, “How was you Christmas?”
“Always good,” he said, not looking away from the computer screen. “It’s Christmas. Kind of hard to screw it up.”
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nedhepburn:
Andrew W.K “Party Hard” _____
#5 of...
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Do You Realize?
Rifling through Suicide Girls and old episodes of Entourage on demand, 4:30 a.m. sure can sneak up on you.
I held off on watching a sixth straight episode of season 2 (I know Vince eventually becomes Aquaman because I’ve seen every episode), and turned to CBS by mistake. Andy Rooney was in the middle of a rant.
Crankiness may be the key to immorality. Rooney was old when I was a kid, but...
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Succor
The gymnasium is a large, brick and concrete box with institutional white walls and high ceilings. The corners of the room are angled like a foreshortened octagon. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I am one of four stationed inside the gym with roughly 60 kindergartners.
We herd them in from the cafeteria, maybe 20 feet away, and file them into single lines of boys or girls. An old large-screen...
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Movie Night
Allergies have hit hard this year. Today was the first day I took anything for it. Benadryl always knocks me on my ass, and I’m not sure what feels worse: the constant sneezing or the lightheadedness I get from antihistamines. I skipped the gym, headed straight home from work, and got under blankets so I could heap massive amounts of pity upon myself. I also watched three movies.
The Ninth...
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Teen runs up cell phone bill of nearly $22,000 →
From my experiences with my carrier, AT&T, if this happened to me, I suppose they’d just ask me if I’d like it in the ass with or without lube.
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Sandwich, Do What You Will
Waiting for the S79 back to Staten Island at 86th Street and 4th Avenue, I walked into a deli/grocer to buy a half-gallon of milk and a sandwich.
I asked for what I always ask for at small deli sandwich counters: chicken cutlet on a roll with lettuce and mayo. I guess I’m a creature of habit. But there’s something about the breaded chicken cutlets at small deli sandwich counters that...
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Zero
With its new logo and its stark white can, caffeine-free Diet Pepsi is the bleakest of all soft drinks. And lately, I can’t get enough of it.
I’m a reformed, 2-liter-a-day soda drinker (whatever was on sale, but I prefer Coca-Cola). But whatever chemical cocktail is contained within this pristine vessel could hardly be called “soda,” much in the same way Bud Light hardly...
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Earth Angel
My mom takes voice lessons with a spunky old Hungarian woman. When she was younger, she used to sing in bars and restaurants around the city. I’m not sure how often it was, but it’s sort of cool to picture my mother singing in smoky New York cabarets while business men sipped scotch. I’m not sure why she started taking lessons now, maybe just for something to do, but I’m...
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