January 2012
3 posts
1 tag
A bus driver arrives precisely when he means to
The night after the tree went up, an empty X1 pulled up to my stop. I got on and took the first seat opposite the driver.
He said, “I’m an hour late.”
We crawled south down Broadway. It was the most miserable commute I’ve experienced so far. As people got on the bus, he said, “I’m an hour late.” For the most part, everyone just chuckled.
When cars cut...
3 tags
Eyes bigger than my stomach
Or, Once you’ve promised to kill someone, you’ve gone and painted yourself into a corner
I had this dream the other night that I was visiting relatives in California—none of whom I’d met before. They were all very excited to meet me, because I’m from New York City (well Staten Island, but I didn’t want to break their hearts). One of my imaginary dream relatives...
December 2011
12 posts
2 tags
The Collective Unconscious and Social Networking
Last night I dreamt that a team of contractors were renovating my parents’ house. This was a big deal because one of the contractors was Chuck Norris.
I couldn’t wait to tweet about it. I thought about how cool it would be of my Facebook profile picture was a cell phone shot of Chuck Norris and I.
I got home from work in time to see Chuck and his crew loading their gear into the...
“Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly”
– Epictetus (via darlingjustlove)
November 2011
20 posts
Chum
My dad knew a guy with a boat, a friend of his through work who’d won fishing trophies. He offered to take us out.
We woke up in the dark and headed to Great Kills. I was no older than third grade. The only boat I’d ever been on was the Ferry. I haven’t been fishing since.
I don’t remember much, but I caught a fluke and a sand shark. We ate the fluke, but the sand...
“By being seldom seen, I could not stir
But like a comet I was wonder’d...”
– Shakespeare, 1 King Henry IV
3 tags
October 2011
15 posts
Pardon?
One of my first interviews was with an independent filmmaker. It was face to face at our office. He was a cool dude, into horror movies and metal, so the conversation was really easy. We were talking about editing the film and he mentioned that it was a difficult process because he shot 30 hours of footage.
Wow, I said. I consider myself something of a film buff but I know little of how they...
“I don’t think that I’ve been in love as such, Although I liked a few folk pretty...”
– Neil Gaiman, “Sonnet” (via ricktimus)
Mother Metal
A few years back, I interviewed the lead singer of a Swedish death metal band on his tour bus. I don’t remember all of what we talked about, but I do recall discussing Guinness at some length.
Afterward, we took the whole band up to the office for pictures. They all gravitated toward our Street Fighter 2 arcade machine while my photographer set up. He took solo portraits of each band...
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Fibonacci Sequence
I take a different bus home just about every day. I’m trying to find the perfect commute home, but I haven’t figured out the pattern.
There are three possible stops where I catch the bus: 23rd and Madison; 23rd and Lexington; Broadway, just below Union Square. There are four possible buses: X1, X2, X9 and X14. I can catch the 1, 9 or 14 at Madison; the 2 or 14 at Lexington; or the 1...
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The Super Bowl Skuffle / S52
I had a dream that I was in a house where people were fighting to the death. The fights were taking place in the living room.
My opponent was slated to be ex-football star William “Refridgerator” Perry, who towered over me. We had a friendly pre-fight conversation. For someone who was about to fight me to the death, he was really nice.
I told him that if our fight was in a movie,...
3 tags
3 tags
Magical Gathering
This one time, I went to Neutral Ground in Manhattan for a Magic: The Gathering pre-release tournament. It was for the Invasion set, if you’re keeping track. Upstairs must have been a modeling agency, because all of these gorgeous women, averaging 5’10” in height would populate the elevator and they surely weren’t going to Neutral Ground, which smelled of unbathed man-boy...